Here’s an excerpt from a great relationship advice article by Dr. Roberta Cone at 1solutionfocusedcoaching.com. Dr. Cone has dedicated her personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-compassion by teaching from her experience. As a result, she learned a lot about what it takes to create a decent relationship. And, as she continues to learn and grow, she teaches self-compassion and gives advice she uses herself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.
This excerpt is from an article on the addictive nature of abusive relationships.
When we don’t feel worthy of love we look to relationships to “fix” us and the addictive cycle of looking for relief in others begins. With self-compassion we choose to be happy and learn to build healthy relationships. Seeing your happiness as dependent upon another person is where many enter the world of relationship addiction. Long-term happy partnerships begin with people who are already happy before they meet.
Tips for Resolving Abusive Relationship Addiction
- Invest in your well-being by learning about attachment styles in addictive codependent relationships.
- Give yourself a break from intimate relationships until you are comfortable being alone.
- Commit to deep levels to practice loving actions towards yourself. Trust that the change taking place is good.
- Give yourself permission to seek help with a therapist when you are ready to change.
- Build endurance to fully grieve your lost childhood so you can feel joy and happiness.
- Show up for yourself. Repeat over and over: “I am worthy,” “Sad feelings won’t last forever,” “I will make it out of this,” “I’m doing the best I can do.”
- Stop blaming yourself for family problems over which you do not have control.
- Take responsibility for your relationship history. Accept the lessons and learn from relationship pain so you don’t repeat it. Ask yourself, “What is the gift” from this relationship?
- Spend time each morning focused on forgiving your partners/parents for not being able to love you. Let go of resentments so you can be free from the desire to hurt them. Move on to a new freedom and happiness.