Why Men With Erectile Dysfunction Are The Best Lovers

..never allow the term “performance” to enter your bedroom. Instead, replace it with “presence” – the art of being fully present for each other when making love.                ~Michael Russer

You may have clicked on this post because you simply could not believe the premise of this piece. How can a man with erectile dysfunction be an amazing lover? Who is making this claim? What am I missing?


When I first came across the source article by Michael Russer, I quickly moved from resistance to curiosity. Surely there was something for me to learn. I was right. Hopefully, the article will change your view of men with this condition, their sex lives and what they have to offer.

Being present for each other during intimacy is the most sensual thing two people can do in the bedroom.

~ Michael Russer

This is a site about spirituality. That means addressing the whole self which includes sexuality. Our society places so much emphasis on a man’s virility, which is usually equated to sexual dominance.


Michael Russer explains that removing the urgency accompanying erections enables men to slow down and focus on their partner. Considering that the majority of women experience the most pleasure from oral or manual stimulation, a redirection of focus benefits women.

You can penetrate a lover with your lingam (penis), but also your tongue, and fingers. All of this counts as penetration. ~Rafaello Manacorda, Fragments of Evolution

Our sexuality is integral to who we are but is also only one aspect. We are expansive spiritual beings with a wealth of intimacy tools at our finger tips. We have only to open our hearts and minds to accept them. I believe part of our calling to heal our fellowman is to soothe the bruises caused by shame.


Men, just like women, worry about getting it on. And in our culture, it’s all about penetrative sex, big hard cocks and staying power. But what if it’s not?

What if we allowed men to feel their bodies in different ways and, as a result, got to experience sex in the full spectrum of intimacy and pleasure?

A hard penis is not everything when it comes to making love.

It’s simply not all there is.

~Pamela Madsen

With Love,


Read the articles:


book - return to sex and intimacy


Image Credit:  The Passionate Wife

1 Comment

  1. I never thought about it like this. This opened me up. Erectile Dysfunction is a man’s worst nightmare.
    To be honest a lot of people put too much pressure on sex. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both people engaging in intercourse but society is too judgemental and believes sex is everything and men even women for that matter are heavily criticized when inexperienced or have any type of performance problem.
    I definitely liked this blog and the encouragement demonstrated in this blog
    Not to go off topic but experience is not always better. I believe you can be inexperience and still be a wonderful lover.
    Another thing that corrupted people’s minds(even mine’s can’t lie) is porn and masturbation.
    i could go all day writing about this.
    I enjoyed reading this post
    keep up the good work


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