We have been working on a behavior modification protocol around my self-care with a focus on weight loss. In this session, I told Joan that my weight loss has been stagnate. I am not eating the wrong things. I’m simply not eating enough for my body to shift out of storage mode into utilization.
Joan repeatedly emphasized what my nutritionist told me. You have to eat to lose weight. The key is eating the right things at the right times. So our session was focused on exploring why I am denying myself the pleasure of nutritious food and thus the joy of weight loss.
As I focused internally to determine what my subconscious was telling me, I remembered myself as 12-year-old locked in my apartment while my mom visited her friends. They didn’t have kids so I was often left at home while they gathered to drink, smoke and play cards. My mom thought it would be safer to leave me at home alone.
My mom often would not return until the sun started to go down at 6 or 7pm. This is how I told time because we did not have a clock. I think this has something to do with the watches I have collected over the years and a slightly skewed perception of time.
Most times, I would not eat until mom returned home. I would sit and look out the window or watch TV while focusing on my hunger pains in order to ignore the loneliness. This is at the root of several recurring behaviors:
- Staying in the house for days at a time
- Ignoring my hunger pains
- Not making the effort to cook meals for myself, if I’m the only one at home
- Forgoing sleep, even if I’m extremely tired while waiting for my husband to return home from work
Joan recommended the following activities:
- Use MyFitnessPal to record my meals
- Send a record of my meals to Joan
- Schedule three meals and two protein snacks in my daily calendar
- Go for a walk everyday, no excuses!
With all the soulwork and therapy I have done, I’m still amazed at how our past experiences can play on a continuous loop throughout out lives if we never become aware of the patterns.
Thanks for taking the time to read about my journey. I would like to hear about yours.
This post was inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt: Loop